Archive for August, 2008

Last Week’s Tweets: 2008-08-25

  • Back from a sweet weekend of dancing! #
  • Home! #

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Really? You List A Global Capability As A Selling Point? Really?

I was looking at the site for the current webhost of a potential client just now, and wanted to see what kind of technology these guys used.  Here’s a verbatim copy of what exists on their site.
Complete Web Site Development
Put Your Business Online!
LIG works with additional vendors to provide you a professionally designed website.
Our inhouse capabilities include:
  • HTML, JAVA Script, VB Script, and ASP
  • Interactive online databases
  • Customized order or data collection forms
  • Dynamically driven html
  • Scanned and custom photos
  • “Rollover” images and buttons
  • Image maps
  • Online Catalogs, Forums and Guestbooks
  • Animated illustrations
LIG Computer can meet your online application requirements, call for more information.
This may not seem terribly shocking to the untrained eye, but I almost broke the uneasy silence of my office with a bladder shattering laugh.
For those who see what I’m talking about: Yeah, really?  That’s something only you guys do?  bullshit…
For everyone else: Two big problems here

Image Maps

Image maps (the ability to click on different parts of an image and go to different links) are an intrensic capability of HTML.  Anyone, anywhere, at any time can create an image map. Watch:
<map></map>
That took me literally 2 seconds.  Now there isn’t anything to click in that image map and it won’t show up on a page, but it’s an image map damnit.  The ability to create one is nothing special so why the hell are these people listing it as a selling point for THEIR business?

“Rollover” images and buttons

Rollover images, buttons, and links, simply mean that, when you put your mouse over the item, it changes color, size, pictues, whatever.  It comes in handy especially for text links when you want to show someone that, yes, you really can click this thing and something will happen.
Again, however, this is nothing unique:  it is the inherent ability of the available technology.  Allow me:

<a id="example">Cone of Silence</a>
#example{ background:url(picture.gif) top left no-repeat; display:block; }
#example:hover{ background-position:bottom left; }

Oh look…three lines of code.  Now that might look like something confusing, but I will probably forget that I even took the <1 minute to write those lines before I go to bed tonight.

Nothing. Special.

Oh wait… You may have noticed that I did this using a technology called Cascading Style Sheets (CSS).  But their list that I showed you doesn’t say that they use CSS. They use JAVAScript. That means that instead of the three toddler-simple lines I just wrote, they’ll use something like this:

if ( document.images ){
 eg_on = new Image ( );
 eg_off = new Image ( );
 eg_on.src = "images/eg_on.gif";
 eg_off.src = "images/eg_off.gif";
 function button_on ( imgId )
 {
   if ( document.images )
   {
     butOn = eval ( imgName + "_on.src" );
     document.getElementById(imgId).src = butOn;
   }
 }

 function button_off ( imgId )
 {
   if ( document.images )
   {
     butOff = eval ( imgName + "_off.src" );
     document.getElementById(imgId).src = butOff;
   }
 }
}

<a href="#" onmouseout="button_off('eg'); return true" onmouseover="button_on('eg'); return true">
  <img src="images/eg_off.gif" style="width: 64px; height: 64px; border: none;" alt="Button" id="eg"/>
</a>

Ha.  Riiiight.  Oh and guess what else?  JAVAscript is what they call a “client-side” scripting language.  So it might not work the same on every computer, or some people might opt to turn it off.  Yeah good luck with that.

WTF Mate?

Last time I checked, the ability to do something that everyone else can do is nothing special.  So, saying that you can type the same code as any 13 year old is possibly the worst selling point for your business. ever.  It’s like saying “My cupcakes are superior because I use cake! and I put them in cups! Huzzah!”

alright I’m done.  Bitching over and out.



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Last Week’s Tweets: 2008-08-17

  • We’re playing friz all might in the pit. Feel free to stop by for a few rounds =) #
  • Glad i know how to run a studio camera #
  • Suddenly dj for the afternoon. I love this job =D #

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I Love Being An Asshole

This weekend I’m staying in a hotel in Chicago so of course ive run into a wide variety of individuals.

Not five minutes ago, I passed an Amish man coming out of the bathroom. The reason I say I enjoy being an asshole is because of the dialog which constantly runs through my head.

I was highly amused by the fact that the thing that instantly popped into my head when I saw this gentleman was “oh excuse me. I have to check my email on my iPod!”

Of course I would never voice the less than tactful things in my head, but I thought some one deserved a good laugh!

Yeah…I’m a jerk sometimes. It’s a blast. =D

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Last Week’s Tweets: 2008-08-11

  • Going to play some dodge-ball tonight, for the first time in a month and a half! #
  • Testing out all the fun free ipod touch apps #
  • Putting on some new guitar strings! #
  • Catching Jeff Dunham in South Bend today! #

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First Mobile Post!

Woot! This is my first post from my new iPod touch. I will be using it a lot when I can’t get to my computer for blogging.

Next weekend, I will be at the Chicagoland Dance Festival and this will come in handy for posting quick updates as the event progresses.

I promise a more detailed review of the device once I get to a full keyboard!

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Now Using Twitter Tools

If you don’t use Twitter.com, the idea is fairly simple.  You tell the site what it is you’re currently doing, and then other users who “follow you” know what’s up.  It works the other way as well, so you can stay up to date on others.

Today I installed another plugin for the blog called Twitter Tools by Alex King. Twitter tools will turn each of my posts on this blog into updates* on my Twitter.com account.  Also, every Saturday at midnight a post will be created automatically that recaps my twitter activity from the past week.

Just another way for those of you who don’t have a Twitter account to stay up to date.

*called “Tweets”

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New Facebook Plugin!

I found a handy plugin called Fotobook which interfaces between Wordpress* and Facebook**.  I give the plugin my login info for Facebook and it pulls my photo galleries onto this site, each on their own page.

What that means is that now all of you who may want to see those pictues but don’t have facebook accounts can do so easily.  Just click the “Photo Album” link at the top of the site and pick an album to look at.

It’s so easy, even grandma can see them!  Oh wait…she doesn’t have the internets***!

*What I use to run my blogs

**What every body between the ages of 14 and 40 uses to kill time. I’m not linking to Facebook because they frankly have plenty of links as it is.

***Nothing but porn and something about the trojans!

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I Never Want To Be A Pro Athlete

I was paid to play football today.  Since part of my job involves video production, I was paid not to instruct web programing as usual, but to play a two-man game of football while the students practiced filming.

Despite the money, I still hate playing football.  I can’t throw a football, I can’t tackle anyone, and I suck at kicking things.  About the only good ability I possess for football is dexterity.  Pay me to play ultimate frisbee or free run and I’ll never work another day in my life.  But football…no thanks.

On the plus side, I started writing a post here and it turned into a longer article, much more suited for What’sWithLife.  I’ll edit this post with a link to that article when I publish it.

At least my shin splints were not aggravated in vain.

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In The Process Of Avoiding A Typical Blog, I’ve Created A Typical Blog

I’ve started several blogs and sites in my day.  Out of sheer boredom before my freshman year of college, I tried it.  I tried another one where I could write about something that interested me, technology.  I currently run one jointly with a friend, What’sWithLife, where we write about financial tips, fitness advice, and life musings.

There are two sides to the act, or rather art of blogging:

  • What most people think of as blogging - the online diary of attention-starved, depressed for no good reason, white kids.
  • What I’ve learned it can be - a tool for providing interesting and useful content to readers while providing a steady, substantial income to those who invest the time and effort.

All the Emo kids who ruin the image of blogging need to take a long, deep look in the mirror and realize that just about every problem they have is in their head. Stop giving the world anti-blogging fodder.

Blogging for income is a demanding job.  You can’t dump your brain onto a page, post it on the internet, and expect it to be worth millions.  Revenue blogging means writing top-notch content that is useful and relevant to readers.  That takes a lot of time, research, and planning.

No, I don’t want THIS blog to become either of the two I just mentioned.  I think I finally found what I was looking for though:

  • Somewhere to dump my “internal dialogue,” as a friend of mine would say.

I want this site to be a place for the random, interesting, and often inappropriate thoughts and events I encounter.  I don’t intend to get rich off it, I don’t plan on having millions of readers, and I honestly expect this will turn into nothing more than a retrospective tool I can use for some internal reflection later down the road.

Laugh if you dare, cry if you must.  If you enjoy it, leave a comment.  If you’re offended, too bad.  Otherwise, stay tuned!

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